You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this will be a night to untag.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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