okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just pee around me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
