At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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