I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
