don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
