I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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