the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
