My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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