I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
