Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
