Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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