i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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