So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
