listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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