I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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