My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
