I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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