Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
