HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize
