Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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