so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
