there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
