I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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