I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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