My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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