plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
