She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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