this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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