a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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