my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
