Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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