I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
