I'm really into asian looking animals
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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