Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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