chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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