Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
