fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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