Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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