I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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