so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
