Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
