he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Randomize
