My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Help. Why am I so naked?
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