my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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