so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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