Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
