Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
