Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
