Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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