There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
