This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
