So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
