Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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