Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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