i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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