What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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