Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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