Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
