Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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