yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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