I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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