and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
