did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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