roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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