i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
