I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
