How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
tonight lets celebrate not being married
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
