I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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