oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
