Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
